Scissor Sisters: "Shady Love"

As a fledgling glam upstart in the early 2000s, far before South Park had made a cheap joke of their name and Wal-Mart had banned their music in a rather transparent act of homophobia, Scissor Sisters were so much more than a walking, dancing, singing stereotype. They had a crossover hit in the Elton John sendup “Take Your Mama,” a Grammy-nominated Saturday Night Fever (1977) reworking of Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb,” and they even held company with Keane and Dido on an exclusive list of modern artists to ship two million albums in the UK. They were bright, colorful, and brash to be sure, but far from stomping around in heels and fishnets blasting born-this-way messages behind megaphones. Then that overcooked Gaga egg hatched, the world of pop music became giddily bisexual, and, as was the case with too many bands intelligent in their subversion, the Sisters were pushed toward the tacky extreme of the hedonistic sexuality with which they had once only flirted. What was previously Priscilla in the desert, all thoughtful and relatable and real, became Brüno in a dancehall.

“Shady Love,” which divulges just about everything you need to know with its title, is the worst-yet offense: a limp romp through the plastic ‘80s musically and through elementary school lyrically. “She gon’ vote for Obama / And she likes to dance to Madonna,” raps lead singer Jake Shears, “Chops it like Benihana / So mm-hmm, mm-hmm!” Yes, Jake Shears cavorts as a rapper now, not even bothering to cloak his atonal robot flow with those affable falsetto runs of yore; and yes, those “mm-hmms” sound exactly like Cheri Oteri and Will Ferrell filling out an SNL cheerleader sketch. Certain parts of the song, which guest stars Shears’ DJ side project Krystal Pepsy and NYC up-and-comer Azealia Banks, are “enhanced” with sound effects—think a meowing cat to represent…do I really have to say?—and its video, a blind stab at shock appeal and a conceptual Xerox of Little Miss Sunshine, features fourth graders putting on a school play with “Shady Love” as their smutty soundtrack. A crasser interpretation of the Sisters’ worst habits—disjointed songwriting, substituting controversy for creativity—is hard to imagine.

The band’s music, which has saved its previous thematic leg-humps like “Filthy/Gorgeous” and “Night Work,” doesn’t work the same magic here. The beat buzzes dully like a retread of “SexyBack,” and the chorus mimics En Vogue but misses a memorable melody. Somehow still, “Shady Love” might end up as the group’s biggest American hit, or at least its most viral—but to a longtime fan, it further drags glittery nails across a chalkboard. That the Sisters selected such a track as the lead single to their unfinished fourth album is a ghastly and telling sign: they desperately want this thing to shake your hips, but it only leaves you shaking your head.