It's a Metaphor!

Dear Kanye,

Did you hear what Tom Waits said about your film?

Swordfishtomjones

***

SWORDFISH,

FAM DID YOU SEE THAT MOVIE FAM?? EXCUSE ME: DID YOU SEE THAT CINEMATOLOGICAL EVENT?? I GOT A MODEL IN A BIRD COSTUME. I GOT SOME KINDA RED-HOODED BLACK KKK MOTHERFUCKERS IN A MICHAEL JACKSON PARADE. I GOT DEER AS A RECURRING MOTIF IN THE STORY BECAUSE IT’S RICH WITH METAPHORICAL SHIT. IN FACT THAT WHOLE FILM IS A METAPHOR FOR HOW YOU ALWAYS FALL IN LOVE WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN BUT THOSE WOMEN ARE BIRDS AND BIRDS DON’T BELONG IN OUR WORLD (BECAUSE THEY NEED TO LIVE IN THE AIR FAM!). AND LOVE CAN BE LIKE FIREWORKS AT FIRST BUT THEN IT IS LIKE CLOUDS. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH BIRDS FAM THEY WILL LEAVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE RUNNING THROUGH A FOREST WHILE THEY SOAR BACK TO THEIR HOME IN THE SKY! AND DID YOU SEE THE EXPLOSIONS FAM?! DID YOU NOT SEE HOW COLORFUL MY EXPLOSIONS WERE?? I’M LIKE AN AMAZING TECHNICOLOR MICHAEL BAY BUT WITH MAGICAL IMPORTANT LOVE AND NOT PLANET-DESTROYING ROBOTS!

I’VE SEEN SOME TOM WAITS MOVIES. THERE ARE NOT EVEN ANY METAPHORS IN THOSE MOVIES FAM!! IN ONE MOVIE HE AND SOME OTHER DUDES ARE IN JAIL AND THEN THEY GET OUT OF JAIL AND THEN THEY ALL SAY GOODBYE. AND HOW OLD IS TIM WAITS FAM? SHIT WAS JUST A GREY GLOB OF PEOPLE TALKING AND WAS NOT VERY METAPHORICAL AT ALL. WHAT CAN THAT MOVIE TEACH US ABOUT LOVE AND ART AND FASHION AND BIRD-WOMEN FAM?! I WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT HOW LOVE IS HARD AND SOMETIMES YOUR GIRLFRIEND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO USE EXPENSIVE TEA CUPS BECAUSE SHE IS OF ANOTHER WORLD. I’M HUMBLE ENOUGH TO ADMIT NOT EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO DRINK FROM EXPENSIVE TEA CUPS FAM. THAT IS ONE THING ABOUT THE FILM THAT IS NOT METAPHORICAL. I JUST WANTED TO IMPART UPON THE WORLD MY ARTISTIC VISION USING FEATHERS AND FIREWORKS AND WILDLIFE FAM. I HAVEN’T LOST MY MIND IT’S JUST THAT MR. WAITS TRYING TO GRASP MY PASSION AND MY VISION IS LIKE TRYING TO WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND A GHOST AND IT’S LIKE “YOU CAN’T HUG A GHOST FAM!” EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE GHOST AND UNDERSTAND HIS PLIGHT. SOMETIMES WE CAN ALL LEARN THINGS FROM GHOSTS AND I JUST HOPE THAT EVERYONE TREATS MY ART LIKE A GHOST WITH A LOT OF SMART THINGS TO SAY.

BUT I DO RESPECT FAM’S VERNACULAR. MY NEW ALBUM IS NOW TITLED “ZEITGEIST TEETH.” WELCOME HOME WEEZY.

YE