The #Winning Award for Worst Musician Twitter Account of the Year
By Dom Sinacola | 16 December 2011
The Weeknd (@theweekndxo)
Recently, Abel Tesfaye wrote:
my experiences will always be documented, which means my experiences will always be experimental…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) December 14, 2011
If you nodded when you read that, or thought it was an insightful thing for him to tweet, or even understood what he was implying without inserting way too much of your own context, then you’re an idiot.
At this point I should mention how House of Balloons was and is easily my favorite album of 2011, that its excess and naivete (seriously) became, amidst all the young depravity, exceptionally endearing. But this Twitter account, which so clearly illustrates just how popular the Weeknd have become over the course of 2011, is so simple, dull, pointless, and condescending, it single-handedly validates all other terrible Twitter accounts: at least Tyler has some sense of style; at least 50 Cent is mercilessly abhorrent; at least Drake shows a modicum of restraint.
Here’s another which attempts, yet again, some words of wisdom:
being forgotten is man’s greatest fear and staying relevant is a handicap for most…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) October 15, 2011
It’s like he doesn’t even know what “handicap” means.
A typical quote from the Weeknd follows similar lines (heh), where Tesfaye splices hyper-self-awareness with shit that doesn’t jive with hyper-self-awareness. It’s like an atonal version of his lyrics, wherein his knowledge and regrets surrounding his self-destructive lifestyle don’t actually prevent him from self-destructing, but only give him the means to continue, which he does with aplomb, repeatedly, obsessively, and boringly. There’s no wonderful music attached, which makes a tweet like the following unbearable:
i like to act oblivious…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) December 11, 2011
Oh yeah? Fuck you.
expect absolutely nothing from me…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) June 16, 2011
Because you promised a third mixtape in 2011 and knew you wouldn’t deliver in time?
Sometimes Tesfaye is so melodramatic he should be smacked:
drums… louder drums…. strings…. more fucking strings… anxiety, pain, more fucking pain….— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) December9, 2011
It reminds me of Kevin Barnes writing music: “Synths… flutes… tiger costume… comically huge penis… face paint, overwrought harmony, more fucking face paint…”
i tapped into the darkest and the most shaded part of my mind for your entertainment…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) November5, 2011
What did you discover there? That you hate women as much as you hate yourself?
Often Tesfaye just regurgitates lyrics or even, simply, song names:
You Don’t Know My Name – Alicia Keys— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) December 15, 2011
Yes, that song exists.
Oh, hey, here’s a song he wrote.
The Birds Part 2 (The Consequence)— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) June 20, 2011
Which then gets retweeted over 100 times. Because people are fucking stupid.
This got retweeted 88 times:
confused…. how do you compare?— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) May5, 2011
Yes, I am confused. God I’m confused.
I sincerely look forward to the day when dude gets a dog and picks out throw pillows with a steady girlfriend:
wild night… thank god for hotel breakfasts— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) November 19, 2011
Whoa! No really? Were there DRUGS involved??
going to be a fucking ignorant weekend… twisted— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) October1, 2011
wild weekend… back to work tonight! xo…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) April 12, 2011
Ohhhhh…so that’s where your name comes from!
There’s also an impressive amount of Drake-jock-riding, from just tweeting “Take Care” a lot, to tweeting Drake lyrics, to less overt comments like this, which I’ve interpreted as an excited exegesis of Drake’s Sprite commercial:
all in the sprite.. all in the sprite..— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) March 14, 2011
No homo, of course.
In most cases I get the impression this guy is just tweeting shit to show women he wants to sleep with how “sensitive” he is. Either that, or he’s a 10 year-old girl at heart:
I tend to have a recorder beside my bed so I can write about a dream right after I wake up. I seem to forget them right after i wash my face— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) April 25, 2011
He tends to, folks. Not all the time, but it’s his natural inclination to do so. He’s got one up on me though: I usually forget them right after I take my first piss of the day.
trying to get my nutrients back up today… the weekend smacked the shit outta me…— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) April 26, 2011
Ha: nutrients. Maybe you should tend to keep a granola bar beside your bed.
And perhaps what best makes my point is Tesfaye’s first ever tweet:
the weeknd..— The Weeknd (@theweekndxo) February 21, 2011
If that doesn’t automatically strike you as dumbfounding, see how stupid it is when I do it:
dom sinacola— Dominic Sinacola (@SinacoLad) December 15, 2011
Now let’s continue making up Fake Weeknd Lyrics and stop retweeting this guy’s every inane word.