Features | Awards

The “Bangs A Make Her Dance” Award for Hot Girl Exceptionalism

By Colin McGowan | 19 December 2012

Taylor Swift: “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”

After spending years unconvincingly playing the overlooked ex-girlfriend and blandly “weird” girl no one wanted to makeout with—Taylor, you were a dime in high school, and nobody cheated on you with someone hotter because that’s fucking impossible—it’s refreshing to hear Swift embrace bitchy on “Never Ever.” (If you’re going to whine about straw man ex-boyfriend archetypes, it’s probably best to reserve your firebrand shit for Generic Indie Douche. Suck it, Ethan.) It’s stupid to argue about authenticity in music, but Swift’s singles, while not unpleasant, have always been B- and C-grade stuff for fourteen-year-olds because she’s so bad at playing the everygirl. Her face has been a major undermining factor, but meekness is just difficult to pull off when you’re one of the biggest celebrities on the planet. Jay-Z may have turned into a disingenuous parade balloon over the last half-decade, but at least he’s not a fame denier. Underdog status should be reserved for actual misfits—and their movie and pop star avatars can’t be sunshine-hot; we like our “rejects” to look like they hate themselves at least a little bit. Hey, Lizzy Caplan.

To see Swift finally act like Femme Godzilla is a revelation. Her bangs, pencil skirt, and pissy gesticulations are an embrace of hot girl exceptionalism. Put on some bright red lipstick and throw some plates at the doucher. Right on. It’s still just a new façade, but it’s the first one she has ever fully owned. She’s jamming out on a cut-rate Wes Anderson set with her other attractive friends who are for whatever reason in animal costumes. I would be ecstatic to fuck anyone in that video, dudes included. Seems about right for a Tay Swift joint.