Holy shit, Billy Corgan and Jessica Simpson are fucking

Billy Corgan may have lost a drummer in the last year, but he’s gained a Simpson. The Huffington Post reported yesterday that Corgan and fellow has-been Jessica Simpson were “officially” an item. Rumors that the pair were first spotted having dinner with an Epic A&R executive were hotly denied by another source. “Do you have any idea what would happen to Sony stock if word of such a meeting got out,” the source asked. “Please. I have a family. The girl needs braces. Oh God, please don’t print this.”

It’s hard to say who should be happier in this pairing. Simpson can still rest comfortably in the knowledge that Corgan is a definite step down from prettyboys Tony Romo and John Mayer; but she is now tied to someone who once cheated on his wife with Courtney Love, so power or fealty is no safe bet. Corgan, of course, should be equally confident that he has no QB rating that can be impacted; still, it must be noted that the singer/guitarist has dropped the ball an incalculable amount of times to this point, so the issue may not be as moot as he’d like to think. The question of what it is either has to lose is, of course, entirely rhetorical.

In a related story, Corgan has leaked the first song from the new Smashing Pumpkins album, a projected 44-track box set entitled Teargarden by Kaledyskope. He appears unaware that life is too god damn short.