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Top 10 Worst Top Ten List Ideas

By Aaron Newell | 22 November 2005

10. Top Ten Critics Who Funded Pedophilia by Supporting R. Kelly

9. Top Ten People Who Were Still Listening to Late Registration One Week Later

8. Top Ten Goblin Cock Promotional Postcards That Offended My Mom When She Was Picking Up My Mail For Me When I Went to New York in September

7. Tie: Top Ten Out-of-Nowhere Tributes to ODB One Day After His Death / Top Ten Total Drop-Offs in Media Coverage Two Days After ODB’s Death / Top Ten Publications and/or Blogs Whose Opportunist Coverage of ODB’s Death Was The Equivalent Of “Who? / He’s Dead We Love Him! / Who?”

6. Top Ten Kittens Who Punch Better than Bloc Party’s Kele Okereke

5. Top Ten Metal Contraptions That Could Keep MF Doom’s Mouth Shut

4. Top Ten Psychoanalytical Diagnoses That Would Explain Why Almost All Female Characters in Decemberists Songs Are Portrayed as Being of “Loose Morals”

3. Top Ten Other Letters that Juelz Santana Could Use For Ad-Libs

2. Devendra Banhart’s Top Ten Little Boys Who Are Sooooooo Marriage Material

1. Tie!

a) Top Ten Rap Critics Who Need To Consider The Fact That Apparently It’s OK For Cam’Ron To Talk a Heap of Sexist Shit About First-Person Chemical-Enhanced Misogyny, But That When Slug and/or Eminem Say Similar Stuff (With or Without Involving Mention of Drugs) They Get Shit On To No End

and

b) Top Ten Other Words For That Particular Double Standard, Regardless Of Your Angle