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Go Fuck Yourself, Guster('s Publicity Guy)

By Eric Sams | 4 October 2010

First, I do understand that Guster doesn’t write their own press packets. However, I personally would make it a priority never to allow anyone to refer to my band as “feel-good rockers.” Conservatively speaking, I would probably decapitate up to and including three different journalists and/or press agents who used that term to describe my cohort, just to set an example that, you know, it’s not okay. I might even say (or scream) something like, “who’s feeling good now?” while my machete arched downward toward their waiting neck. But that’s me. It’s one of my things. I’m sure not everyone feels that strongly about it.

What I think maybe we can all agree on is that, if the term “feel-good rockers” is used at the beginning of a paragraph so blanched and simpering as the following, somewhere somebody’s head needs to roll:

“Feel-good rockers Guster enlisted artist John Sarkin to create the whimsical artwork for the new album Easy Wonderful and as the curator for their fantastical music video for their album single ‘Do You Love Me.’ Sarkin credits Guster’s upbeat music as the inspiration for the playful album art.”

Now, apart from proper nouns there are at least seven parts of that paragraph that incite me to violence, and it’s only two sentences long. My hands started to turn translucent as I just typed it, that’s how inconsequentially puffy this shit is. Every single idea here is a synonym for the word “nice.” Hey, guys, Guster’s new record is nice. More specifically? It’s pleasantly nice. What’s it called? Easy fucking Wonderful. Which sounds like something an obnoxious pothead would call his bowl, right before he fired it up at the Guster show.

Then I clicked on the link to the Wall Street Journal of all places, the vanguard of proto-hip new songstuffs, and it turns out my quarrel’s not really with Guster. At least it’s not with the actual physical members of the band corporately known as “Guster.” It’s a less adventuresome Rogue Wave, entirely unoffensive, though farther than a streaming drive-by on a newspaper website I’ll dare not venture.

I’m not saying a whole lot about the album or able to give you any track by track opinions, but that in itself is saying something. This is deliberately not an album review. And it’s all thanks to you, Guster(‘s Publicity Guy). The press release really did all of the work for us here. Honestly, pump not primed.

Why sell yourself so fuzzycuddle in your pre-release material? Who’s that enticing? These guys know TRL‘s not on anymore, right?