Top 10 Things Fleet Foxes Could Sing About Really Well

(With Suggestions for Use)

10. Wheat (perhaps the abundance of it or the way it glows in the sun)

9. A Rucksack (bulging maybe, stuffed with pears)

8. This Dude Named Kurt (implied in vaguely homoerotic wanderings, challenged morally by a game of Red Rover)

7. A Chipmunk (tee-hee!)

6. A Lunar Eclipse (as long as it’s not a solar eclipse; they would fucking suck at singing about that)

5. Rolling a Cigarette (while driving a tour van with horrendous gas mileage)

4. The Number 100 (biblical? those zeroes look like owl eyes)

3. Mosquitos (their warm buzz accompanying a lonely night; getting stuck in beard, probably dying)

2. Lava (evoked like the earth cumming on your grave)

1. Dr. Zaius (in the morning, in the evening, in the morning—You blew it up! Goddamn you all to hell!)

Bonus!!

Top 10 Things Fleet Foxes Should Sing About (To Make Pretty)

10. AIDS

9. gum disease

8. Lil Wayne

7. elections in Zimbabwe

6. disrespecting your mother

5. having sex with the couch

4. failing the bar exam

3. dinosaur extinction

2. a knuckle-sandwich

1. menopause