Features | Articles

Just Look At The Year-Ends On Those Guys

By The Staff | 21 December 2007

If one could somehow pull aside or peek through the walls of CMG's crystal fortress, one wouldn't see the smooth machinations of an efficient journalistic process. As any publishing juggernaut will tell you, such ease is largely a myth. CMG's writers' room has its share of blind alleys, tirades, interventions, and eyeliner-ruining reconciliations. For every viable review and article there are literally dozens of half-formed abominations and guttural ideas. Our New Year's resolution is to embrace our faults, to hold to our bosoms our birthing processes' uglier offspring, if only for the duration of time you, dear reader, will spend considering the following year end articles that never were.

They Don't Produce Sound: 14 Druidic Minstrel Warlock Boxes From The 12th Century That Regine Butler Looks Cool Fiddling With On Stage

Neon Awesome: The 10 Best Imaginary Funeral Follow-Ups And Why Dave And Conrad are Renting A Church In Rural Quebec In Order To Live Action Role Play Their Creation ("I Call Pretending To Be Win Butler's Stupid Idiot Brother!")

Deerhunter's Heroin Chic Has Less to Do with Heroin and More to Do with Challenging Frat Boys and Their Assumptions that Dresses are For Girls

2007: The Year Music Told Us How Awesome Almost All Animals Are: Sorry Whales, But You Know You're Fucking Bullshit

Ea-Z: Why Everyone Was So Relieved That Hov's New Record Wasn't Totally Shitty That They All Gave Him 1 Million Out Of 10

2007: The Year That The Same People Who Didn't Pay Anything For The Last Radiohead Record Similarly Didn't Pay Anything For The Latest Radiohead Record

The No-Record-Deal Revolution!: Radiohead, This Banana, And My Asshole Brother-In-Law Blaze New Trail in 2007

Best Album of 2007: Super Mario Galaxy

How I Replaced Supersilent With Seven Dolphins and A Room Full Of Egg Timers And Couldn't Tell The Difference

Why 2007 Will Go Down as the Year of the Rise of the Laptop You Play Like a Guitar

Surprise Of The Year: Contents of Guitar Hero IV Box Just An Actual Guitar

Best New Shins Album of 2007: Oh, Inverted World

2007: The Year Advertisers Infuriated Indie Fans By Giving Food Money and Free Publicity To Their Favourite Artists

Pieces Of Montreal: How I'd Dismember Them

Surprise Of The Year 2: Contents of Rock Band Box Just Four Stoner Douchebags

Ha, You're Not Us: Cokemachineglow's Top Ten In-Jokes You Literally Couldn't Possibly Understand

Maybe It's Just This Picture, But Has Eric Sams Gained A Little Weight?

CMG's Staff on Staff Thread: Still Not as Interesting as It Sounds

Why the Hell Has CMG's Ottawa-Specific Content Surged 2000% in the Last Two Years?

Things CMG's Facebook Profile Said to Alienate CMG's Myspace Profile, and How They're Working Through It

They Were Right: Picking Subtle's For Hero: For Fool as Our 2006 Album of the Year Was Obviously a Calculated Attempt to Draw Attention to Our Site. Just Look at This Halo 3 Collector's Edition Master Chief Helmet I Was Able to Buy with Ad Revenues

Joel: I'm Sorry I Rejected Your Facebook Friend Request the First Couple of Times. I Didn't Know You Were the CMG Joel, and I Was Just Like, "Why Does Destroyer Keep Wanting to Be My Friend?"

Boogz' Top Ten Highest Rated Make-Out Sessions (with Significantly Lower Combined Scores)

Top Ten Pen Names for Charles William Betz IV other than "Chet"

Top Five Reasons LCD Soundsystem Made Our Year-End List, the Reasons' Names Being Craig, Andre, David, Danny, and Christopher (You Jerks)

The Top 5 Looks of Disgust Crossing Mark's Face upon Learning our Top Record of 2007

I Saw Kevin Barnes' Balls When He Played In LA

CMG's 2007 Year End Special: Top Ten CMG Year End Specials (#1: 2007)