Cobra Starship: "Good Girls Go Bad"

What do you want from me, Cobra Starship? You and Morningwood and 3OH!3 and your ilk. Are you threatening me? Is that what this is? Can I get away with simply acknowledging your existence? Ok, here it is:

Attention CMG Nation. There is a band called Cobra Starship. They achieved prominence in connection with the film Snakes on a Plane. It’s tough to tell but I think there may be a tongue in a cheek there somewhere. Although that could just be them checking out face poses in the mirrors of the disco ball.

There, that about cover it? Jesus. No? What then? Are you holding my ears ransom? I mean, “Good Girls Go Bad”—with those bleeding synths pressed tight to my temples, and its faux rap gag-ball in my mouth, and its Leighton Meester guest verse—makes it amply clear that cable music channels are not safe while you’re out trolling the depths of quasi-urban white kid ultra-disposable income. By the way, there’s a recession on, Cobra Starship. And don’t you point at the Black Eyed Peas. The Black Eyed Peas are not the issue here. You are.

How about this, if I promise to buy your album will you promise not to make another one? Will you take off those reflective Ray Bans, go back to trade school and pitch in on the great American experiment? Ok, ok, here:

Attention CMG Nation. Let’s all go buy the Cobra Starship album. I bet it’s, uh, really good if we, y’know, give it a chance and stuff. Plus, I think if we do this they might finally let us get on with trying to live our fucking lives over here. I know it’s not a guarantee, but they’re holding all the cards here. The best we can do at this point is comply with their demands and hope for the best.

Done. I hope you’re happy with yourself, Starship. I hope you sleep well tonight, you cultural highwaymen. Sometimes there’s a higher justice, you know. Suck doesn’t always make right. Did you hear Kasabian has swine flu? No shit.